What should parents do when they realize or catch their teen with “Gateway” drugs like marijuana?
It is easy and natural to give in to your anger and/or shock by yelling, screaming, crying or threatening to ground your teen forever! Yet, this reaction will accomplish little and resolve even less. It is essential that in situations like this parents RESPOND rather than React.
An effective response includes:
- Holding the teen accountable while keeping open a line of communication,
- Accountability may include consequences like grounding
- Random drug testing, occasional room searches
- Greater supervision/oversight of peer activities
- A referral for individual and family counseling
Communication KILLERS include lecturing, bossing, and/or belittling the teen. To improve parent/adolescent communication:
- Listen first, then respond by reflecting on what your teen has said then express how their actions make you feel - using “I messages” is a very effective way to do this.
- Share you r anger and disappointment honestly, but maintain your dignity and integrity, as well as those of your teen.
- Make sure you communicate clearly what your expectations are for their behaviors and what they can expect as consequences when their behaviors fail to meet your expectations.
- Determine if the alcohol and/or drug use is a primary problem, or a symptom of some other concern (i.e. depression, social anxiety, stress)
Remember, even when our kids act in disappointing ways, they continue to need our support, understanding, and unconditional love. As parents we must remain in control of our emotions and our parental authority, especially when we are tested by situations like this. Segments from www.parent2parentnetwork.org/Outreach/Community411 article by Dr. Tony DiBiasio